Monday, January 19, 2009

took the ride at 9:09 PM | 0 comments
woah what a nutty day today
had chunky peanut butter spread on my bread for breakfast today
was going nuts during cellb lecture in the afternoon...
(for the first time ever i actually fell asleep somewhere else other than on my bed!!!)
waited 4 hours for nuts during CSAS in the evening....
(we didn't do anything in the end....)
and was craving for japanese nuts on the way home... -_-"
therefore, in a nutshell, it was a damn NUTTY day
well whatever i'm just glad to be home, facing my comp, chatting with ppl on msn

is it just me? or are cellb lectures getting more and more stressful???
i mean i feel like i gotta spend like 3/4 of my energy just fighting to stay awake...
and the other 1/4 is spent on trying to keep up with what that lecturer is saying
i know im already lagging behind (a lot)
but i feel totally drained; so much so that i have neither the motivation nor the energy to even try to catch up
well its not only cellb....bmic too
ahh kill me somebody
my brain is not big enough to squish like a thousand and one things in it at once!!
maybe its because i haven't been sleeping well these few days
or is it because it's my time of the month???
remind me why again am i feeling this way...? *blink blink*

i feel stuck....very very stuck
im still trying my best here
hey maybe i just THINK i am...but im not
i dont know anymore.....
there's only so much of me i can give
if i keep giving and giving, sooner or later there wouldn't be any of me left to give to anyone anymore....
i know...my friends deserve so much more attention from me
i always feel so guilty when i turn to u and ignore them
i always feel so retarded when u talk to me and i forget everything else
sometimes i turn up my music so loud until my ears hurt, just to drown out your voice which stubbornly REFUSES to go away in my head
and its just tearing me apart; how u can so easily drive me up the wall
i know i don't act that way in school because i don't want jane, manfred or lucky to worry
hell, even miles knows and he worries...
i never intended for that many ppl to know
i dont what them to fuss, don't want them to worry...
am currently off msn, and off the phone...
still thinking of u very much
and even though i know that my strength is going to keep getting drained, and my tears are going to keep falling like rain,
me being the incredibly retarded person that i am, doesn't want to let go...
one of the things holding me together are my friends
they are one of the few ppl who encourage me on and help me believe that i can actually go through with this thing


if you would allow me to,
then this is what i would do
i'll gladly go up on that stage,
and hold your hand instead...

i've tried to understand
things about you i cannot comprehend
but it seems the harder i try,
the closer i am to saying goodbye...

i dont want this to go away
i want this feeling to stay
but even though im willing to wait,
love still ain't a piece of cake... *sighs*


i was happy today in school
truly, i was

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